Day 24, Life Part 3

October 19, 2018 was a day that changed my life forever.  It's when I got my cancer diagnosis and started hormone treatment.  It's not the first time my life changed drastically.

On May 19, 1989, I graduated college and moved to Massachusetts to begin my career.  The world opened up.  I was no longer the short and scrawny outsider that was bullied in school.  It was the end of part 1 of my life, and the beginning of part 2.

Now of course this transformation actually happened over a number of years while I was at college, but the ceremony and symbolism of graduation made it easy to pick that as the point when everything changed.  In a similar manner my cancer developed over time (but unknown to me), with a rather dramatic unveiling in the urologist's office, though happily not involving confetti, or the need to wear a cap and gown.

Life part 2 started off with some of the best years of my life.  I was making new friends in Massachusetts and hanging out with old friends from college.  I began dating as women finally seemed to take me seriously.  Yes you read that correctly: my first girlfriend didn't happen until after college graduation.  I got married, bought a house, then bought a Mustang.  I changed jobs twice and ended up in a good position in a good company.

And I lived happily ever after?  Not quite.  The big problem with life part 2 was the feeling that something better was always around the corner.  While this was generally true in my 20s, after a while things stopped getting better.  In reality, my parents and in-laws were aging and friends got busy with family responsibilities.

Now to go off on a tangent, here's a tip for all you guys out there:  When you observe that your life was on an upward trajectory until approximately the time you got married, do not state this verbally to your wife!  Correlation may not be causation but that doesn't keep you out of the doghouse.

It wasn't all downhill after my 20s.  I joined a running club, made new friends, and got to run the Boston marathon in 2011.  I've wanted to run a second marathon but the situation never seemed right.  I'd get injured during training and just think that next year would be better, as if there was an infinite supply of next years.

Living in life part 3 with cancer, there is no guaranteed "next year".  It's possible I'll continue to live for months, years, or even decades but I really just don't know and can't know.  If the cancer does get beat into remission (which I think is likely) I'll still have to undergo regular testing to see if it's making a return.  There will be side effects from treatment that may linger for months or years.  And of course, I'll still be subject to the normal processes of aging as all of us are.

Thus, the secret to life part 3 is embracing life in all its imperfections and focusing on the positive, the good, and the funny.

Today was the monthly brunch gathering of the running club.  Yesterday was a rough day for me, as everything I ate seemed to give me abdominal discomfort, which in a way was an improvement over having little interest in food.  However, the temptation to avoid a social activity centered around food was great.  In the past I would have noted that there will be another opportunity next month, so if this one isn't going the way I want I can try again later.  Not anymore.

Today also started off a little rough, but I went to the brunch anyway.  Happily my body responded to the challenge and the good weather, and I got a walk in (not quite recovered enough for running yet) and was able to have a modest amount of food and a cup of coffee without major problems.  While I may not have felt perfect, being surrounded by supportive friends was a great morale boost that I definitely needed.

After a little bit of peer pressure was applied I signed up for the Ayer 5K on Thanksgiving day.  It's a race I've run for over 10 years straight.  Unless my onco insists on starting my chemo a day or two before, 5K is a distance I know I can run/walk/crawl and still finish ahead of dozens of others even if I'm not having the best day.  I can almost guarantee that Thanksgiving won't be a perfect day, but I'm learning to look past that and see that it's likely to at least be a good day.

So in closing, it seems that fate decided that my life part 2 had to end suddenly.  I could just as easily have had a fatal car accident or a heart attack, and the tragedy would have been my sudden departure without a chance to fight.  It might be a morbid thought, but given a choice between sudden death and cancer I'll happy take the chance to fight on in part 3, and intend to savor every positive moment it allows.