I’m still dealing with side effects which seem to be sticking around longer than they did in previous cycles. Based on past history, my blood counts will be dropping for about another week before rebounding, so feeling blah or worse is not unexpected. I feel like I’ve been through one heck of a fight, but you should see the other guy.
I haven’t run in over a week now, but have been going for regular walks. With better weather and fewer side effects right around the corner, I haven’t felt the need to push myself to run. Things will improve, just not as fast as I’d fantasized about.
When my body feels crappy, the emotions usually plummet taking my optimistic outlook down with them. I start to worry about “what ifs”, such as “what if I lose my health insurance”. Cancer is a medical catastrophe that can easily turn into a financial catastrophe if you have to pay for treatments out of pocket.
I must keep reminding myself that in my here and now, I have both medical and disability insurance that are keeping me financially fit. This allows me to focus all my energies on fighting the disease and not worry about keeping a roof over my head. Some cancer patients have had to make tough choices between treatment or paying for their kids college education.
In addition to being happy about insurance, let’s take a moment to be thankful that all my planned chemo infusions were completed on the original schedule. Many patients have had to delay infusions because their blood counts haven’t recovered, or they’re having serious side effects. As significant number don’t get all the planned treatments because they’re either not tolerating it or blood tests imply that they’re not working.
Though chemo is done and seems to have done a great job, now is not the time for any “Mission Accomplished” banners. There are still fights ahead, though they should be much less dramatic.
While I am still hoping to be one of the lucky few men who achieves something resembling a cure, the odds of that are only slightly better than the odds of winning the lottery. It’s all well and good to play the lottery and hope you win, it’s another thing to plan your financial life as if you’re going to win.
The most likely outcome for me is that having cancer will resemble having diabetes. I’ll be on hormone therapy indefinitely to keep it under control. There will be side effects from ongoing treatment. The risk of a heart attack is increased. Osteoporosis is more likely. There will be regular testing and monitoring of my condition.
Where cancer differs from diabetes is that cancer has a nasty habit of mutating to become resistant to treatment. Medical science is not only coming up with new treatments, but is starting to understand why treatments stop working. There are many things in the pipeline that stand a good chance of working when currently available treatments fail.
Enough with thankfulness, let’s whine for a moment. I’m finishing chemo and dealing with the lingering side effects just before taxes are due. Apparently chemo doesn’t cure procrastination. The disability insurance company is also pressuring me to apply for social security disability. The punchline is that social security benefits will probably be approved right around the time I’m able to return to work. Thanks for listening and letting me get those annoyances off my chest.
Back to being hopeful. There’s lots of reasons to be very hopeful about my future, though it’s very likely to be a long and drawn out battle with many highs and lows. Of course, if treatment does drive the cancer to extinction I will be every bit as happy as if I won the lottery.
After the initial nightmare of my diagnoses, I’ve been exceptionally fortunate in my treatment. My wish is that we as a society, as a nation, as human beings on planet earth, are not only able to find a solution to the problem of cancer, but are also able to find a way to deliver that solution to all cancer patients.
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