Ken: Hello and welcome to another round of non-celebrity boxing! I’m Ken Wiggles
Larry: And I’m Larry Noble. Folks, we have an excellent match for you tonight. There’s been an ongoing grudge between Tom and the Couch and the Couch has had the upper hand since it was moved closer to the TV.
Ken: Let’s go down to the ring for the introductions.
Ring Announcer: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! In this corner, weighing more than a breadbox but less than a gorilla, wearing grey sweats, Tom!
[[ Crowd cheers! ]]
Ken: He looks like an underweight Rocky Balboa
Larry: Yes he does, not to mention grey sweats went out of style by the time Rocky II came out.
Ring Announcer: And in this corner, weighing enough that it’s perfectly fine where it is, we don’t need to see what it looks like in the other corner, wearing burgundy mohair upholstery, the Couch!
[[ boos, catcalls ]]
Ken: And the bell rings for round 1, and Tom immediately hops into the car to meet somebody for a 10 mile run. Wow, what an opening!
Larry: Well, Tom has always been strong in the opening rounds, but the Couch has never been an opponent that can be taken out quickly. It likes to let the competition wear itself out, then asserts itself in the later rounds.
Ken: Round 2, and the Couch comes out strong. It’s using indecision about what to have for dinner to lure Tom in. But wait, Tom showers, shaves, puts on some decent clothes, and takes his wife out for dinner. Holy cow!
Larry: Very nice escape of the indecision trap. Tom’s been putting a lot of effort into remembering there’s clothes in his wardrobe besides T-shirts, and it really paid off here.
Ken: Round 3, and the couch has lured Tom into its grasp with morning coffee. And the headphones are on! The headphones are on!!!
Larry: The Couch has really been building up it’s collection of soothing music. It’s gotten really good lately at getting a hold of Tom and not letting go.
Ken: Tom fights back. He’s off the couch and paying bills online. Now he’s outside and getting the hose out.
Larry: Looks like he’s going to wash the car. Very interesting strategy to use a relatively easy and low intensity activity to keep moving after the run yesterday.
Ken: But Tom is obviously showing signs of fatigue. He goes into the basement looking for the hose nozzle, then back to the garage, then back to the basement before finding it.
Larry: This is how the couch works, it waits until you’re not at your best, then tempts you with relaxation and the promise that there’s no wrong way to lay on a couch.
Ken: And he forgot to turn on the faucet for the summer, so it’s back into the basement again. All those stairs have got to be doing a number on Tom after all that running yesterday.
Larry: Not to mention all the bending over trying to rinse salt off the underside. But Tom is comfortably dressed for the cool air, and he’s filled the bucket with warm water, so he’s gone out of his way to make this task pleasant.
Ken: He’s finishing up now. Wheels washed, looking for any spots he missed. And he goes inside before cleaning out the bucket and winding up the hose! Oh no! What a stunning turn of events.
Larry: Tom was looking so good, and then the couch blind sided him with lunch and a Nascar pre-race show. He’s down. He’s contemplating a nap. The referee begins to count.
Ken: And while the referee is counting, let’s take a break for a word from our sponsor: Rest-EZ mattresses.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Change Your Oil in 10 Easy Steps
This weekend I decided to greatly reduce my time spent surfing the internet, a decision slightly influenced by the fact that our cable modem hasn’t worked since Thursday. Thank you Charter, great customer support. And the cable bill is lightly less than what one would pay a therapist for help with internet addiction. But I digress.
I really wanted to talk about car maintenance and (lack of) fashion today, and share the tips and tricks I’ve learned over the years for doing an oil change. Trust me, this is advice you won’t get anywhere else.
Step 1: Warm up the car and raise the front end slightly. I prefer driving up onto a pair of scrap 2x10’s left over from construction of the garage.
Step 2: Change into clothes that are so dirty and worn out you wouldn’t use them for rags. If you have long hair like me, wear a hat and tuck your hair up under it. Today I wore my purple and yellow Minnesota Vikings knit hat with the pom-pom on top that went out of fashion shortly after it was given to me in the third grade.
Step 3: Place a pan under the car and remove the drain plug. Let all the oil drain out and replace the plug. To prevent over-tightening, grab the wrench halfway up and only use a moderate amount of force. That way you’ll have much more leverage and strength available to loosen it next time.
Step 4: Realize you left the filter and oil in the house so it would be at room temperature and thus easier to pour than toothpaste. Make sure the coast is clear when walking from the garage to the house because you don’t want the neighbors to see you in an out-of-fashion Vikings hat. When you fail to do this, duck around the back side of the garage until they’ve finished driving by.
Step 5: Prefill the new filter about 1/3 of the way, put a trace of oil on the gasket. Move the drain pain under the old filter, clean up the oil that just sploshed onto the floor, then remove the old filter and install the new filter.
Step 6: Change the radio station because you can’t stand to listen to Katy Perry ever
since she started hanging out with that British guy that has worse hair than you. It doesn’t matter that you’re married and she’s half your age and not your type anyway, it still bothers you.
Step 7: Pour new oil into engine. Pour old oil into an empty gallon jug (washer fluid bottles work well). When you remember that your cold holds six quarts, get a second gallon jug and pour the remainder in there. Clean up the oil that overflowed from the first jug. This is easy if you put the jug into a cardboard box lined with newspapers before pouring in the old oil.
Step 8: Katy Perry on this station too? Change to classic rock. Decide that listening to “Mustang Sally” while working on a Mustang is corny, but tolerable.
Step 9: Wash up, change back into clean clothes. Start up car, drive off ramps, check for leaks, then shut off engine and verify oil level, which is really verifying that you could count to six when adding oil.
Step 10: Finish cleanup, don’t worry about getting the drain pan too clean because it’s just going to get more dirty oil in it next time. Write blog entry, and vow to get some better old clothes for next time.
I really wanted to talk about car maintenance and (lack of) fashion today, and share the tips and tricks I’ve learned over the years for doing an oil change. Trust me, this is advice you won’t get anywhere else.
Step 1: Warm up the car and raise the front end slightly. I prefer driving up onto a pair of scrap 2x10’s left over from construction of the garage.
Step 2: Change into clothes that are so dirty and worn out you wouldn’t use them for rags. If you have long hair like me, wear a hat and tuck your hair up under it. Today I wore my purple and yellow Minnesota Vikings knit hat with the pom-pom on top that went out of fashion shortly after it was given to me in the third grade.
Step 3: Place a pan under the car and remove the drain plug. Let all the oil drain out and replace the plug. To prevent over-tightening, grab the wrench halfway up and only use a moderate amount of force. That way you’ll have much more leverage and strength available to loosen it next time.
Step 4: Realize you left the filter and oil in the house so it would be at room temperature and thus easier to pour than toothpaste. Make sure the coast is clear when walking from the garage to the house because you don’t want the neighbors to see you in an out-of-fashion Vikings hat. When you fail to do this, duck around the back side of the garage until they’ve finished driving by.
Step 5: Prefill the new filter about 1/3 of the way, put a trace of oil on the gasket. Move the drain pain under the old filter, clean up the oil that just sploshed onto the floor, then remove the old filter and install the new filter.
Step 6: Change the radio station because you can’t stand to listen to Katy Perry ever
since she started hanging out with that British guy that has worse hair than you. It doesn’t matter that you’re married and she’s half your age and not your type anyway, it still bothers you.
Step 7: Pour new oil into engine. Pour old oil into an empty gallon jug (washer fluid bottles work well). When you remember that your cold holds six quarts, get a second gallon jug and pour the remainder in there. Clean up the oil that overflowed from the first jug. This is easy if you put the jug into a cardboard box lined with newspapers before pouring in the old oil.
Step 8: Katy Perry on this station too? Change to classic rock. Decide that listening to “Mustang Sally” while working on a Mustang is corny, but tolerable.
Step 9: Wash up, change back into clean clothes. Start up car, drive off ramps, check for leaks, then shut off engine and verify oil level, which is really verifying that you could count to six when adding oil.
Step 10: Finish cleanup, don’t worry about getting the drain pan too clean because it’s just going to get more dirty oil in it next time. Write blog entry, and vow to get some better old clothes for next time.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
A (not so) Sticky Situation
Blog Reboot! It’s time to get off my duff and start doing things. Yes, I do realize that writing a blog does involve sitting on one's duff. Please don’t distract me with such details.
Today I decided to do something after work that did not involve sitting. Not sure exactly what that was, I went straight into the basement and found a box of, um, “crap”, that was rescued from dad’s workshop. First thing on top of the box was a roll of adhesive pipe insulating tape. Great! Our hot water pipes could use some insulation against the cold basement. Should make for slightly warmer showers.
So, in a manner totally uncharacteristic of somebody so fond of procrastination, I instantly got out the stepstool and proceeded to start wrapping a pipe. Okay, there’s a little bit of technique to this. It seems to be going on a bit lumpy, and it isn’t sticking all that well. Better get the package and double check the directions. Hey look, the price tag is from Bradlee’s. Didn’t they go out of business 20 years ago? Actually they went bankrupt in 2000, according to Wikipedia, but judging from the packaging and the price ($1.50), this is old stuff.
What we’re dealing with here is some ancient adhesive that lost its stickiness probably around the time Reagan left office. Acutally, if I Google “mortell pipe insulation”, the most recent reference I can easify find is in the May 1977 issue of Popular Mechanics. Hello Jimmy Carter!
Thus, initiative was shown, a valiant attempt was made at putting something to use. But in the end, it will take too much effort for a sub-standard result. If I really want my pipes insulated, there’s better and easier alternatives available today. As much as I hate waste (and I do hate it in neurotic proportions), I’m gonna have to convince myself that chucking this stuff is the right thing to do.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Hamstring, 4 weeks later
Here I am, sitting on the couch watching TV, probably resembling Peggy Bundy with her Bon Bons, but I’m actually an athlete in training. You can tell the difference because if you look really close, you’ll see an ice pack under my leg. I could have said in my pants, and while that was true, this is a PG blog.
So I finally went to see a doctor after four weeks, and the result was the ultimate in boring. Yes, I did give my hamstring a good injury, but there’s nothing else wrong and it’s simply going to take quite a bit of time to get back to where I once was, and probably I won’t be as fast as I once was. Sort of like your mechanic saying your Yugo will be a bit slower.
For various reasons, I’m not going to be doing any formal therapy right now. But recovery from a hamstring injury is actually quite boring. Like, avoid doing things that cause pain and re-injury (duh?). But seriously, it’s a three step process: Get the pain and swelling under control, then work on restoring range of motion, then exercise the muscle to get strength back.
So right now I’m at the stretching stage, and also cheating a little bit by doing some running. Running is a bit of an exaggeration, it’s more like walking with occasional periods of jogging, slowly. But I had been planning for months to enter a 5K a week from now, and if I can crawl it I’ll probably enter it.
Stay tuned, this is going to be an interesting week.
So I finally went to see a doctor after four weeks, and the result was the ultimate in boring. Yes, I did give my hamstring a good injury, but there’s nothing else wrong and it’s simply going to take quite a bit of time to get back to where I once was, and probably I won’t be as fast as I once was. Sort of like your mechanic saying your Yugo will be a bit slower.
For various reasons, I’m not going to be doing any formal therapy right now. But recovery from a hamstring injury is actually quite boring. Like, avoid doing things that cause pain and re-injury (duh?). But seriously, it’s a three step process: Get the pain and swelling under control, then work on restoring range of motion, then exercise the muscle to get strength back.
So right now I’m at the stretching stage, and also cheating a little bit by doing some running. Running is a bit of an exaggeration, it’s more like walking with occasional periods of jogging, slowly. But I had been planning for months to enter a 5K a week from now, and if I can crawl it I’ll probably enter it.
Stay tuned, this is going to be an interesting week.
Monday, March 16, 2009
The Goes my Hamstring
Wow, haven’t blogged in about a month. Tsk tsk. But anyhow, it’s now about a month until my next 5K, and if I can run 10 minute miles, I’ll be ecstatic. That’s because I blew out my hamstring chasing a frisbee last week. At least it was in the process of making a spectacular diving catch.
Technically speaking, the medical term is a "pulled" or "strained" hamstring, but those terms aren't appropriately gruesome enough. We're talking torn muscle fibers, leading to internal bleeding, which then leads to a nice big bruise. And even after everything settles down enough that you're able to walk normally, the damage is still there, just waiting to give you a jab of pain if you do something the muscle doesn't like. Such as trying to tie your shoes in the morning. Can I just wear my bedroom slippers to work?
So I have about 4 weeks to rehab an injury that typically takes 3-6 weeks to recover from. This seems pretty doable, since my 5K pace is very slothlike compared to my sprinting pace. I start with some gentle walks later this week and if that goes well start working some jogging into the walks. This is pretty straightforward.
The other challenge to get done in the next month is to start and finish our income taxes. We always owe on taxes, so there’s no real rush to get it done, other than avoiding jail time for failure to file. But if I let myself fall into old habits, I’ll somehow convince myself that I can’t sit at the computer using TurboTax because my hamstring isn’t up to the task. Or more accurately, how can I focus on taxes when I’m a gimp? If the answer to that question is anything other than “easily”, I won’t have a leg to stand on.
Technically speaking, the medical term is a "pulled" or "strained" hamstring, but those terms aren't appropriately gruesome enough. We're talking torn muscle fibers, leading to internal bleeding, which then leads to a nice big bruise. And even after everything settles down enough that you're able to walk normally, the damage is still there, just waiting to give you a jab of pain if you do something the muscle doesn't like. Such as trying to tie your shoes in the morning. Can I just wear my bedroom slippers to work?
So I have about 4 weeks to rehab an injury that typically takes 3-6 weeks to recover from. This seems pretty doable, since my 5K pace is very slothlike compared to my sprinting pace. I start with some gentle walks later this week and if that goes well start working some jogging into the walks. This is pretty straightforward.
The other challenge to get done in the next month is to start and finish our income taxes. We always owe on taxes, so there’s no real rush to get it done, other than avoiding jail time for failure to file. But if I let myself fall into old habits, I’ll somehow convince myself that I can’t sit at the computer using TurboTax because my hamstring isn’t up to the task. Or more accurately, how can I focus on taxes when I’m a gimp? If the answer to that question is anything other than “easily”, I won’t have a leg to stand on.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Sweetheart 4 mile race report
This was a 4 mile race in Stratford, CT on Valentine’s day. Something fun to do while the wife and I are in town visiting our parents. The plan was to show up to the race early, pick up my number, relax for a bit, have a last minute snack, hit the men’s room, warm up a bit, and start the race. Things don’t always go quite according to plan though.
No problem arriving early and picking up my number, long sleeve white T-shirt, and “goody bag”. The “goodies” consisted solely of a sample Bic razor with a 14-month ago expired coupon included. Not quite a bumper crop of running related samples and offers.
Of course, I forgot to bring something to snack on, and there was no food being offered before the race, only a few jugs of water. But we did get a nice parking spot with a view of the Housatonic river across the park. Very nice way to relax with the wife on Valentine’s day, at least until the dog decided to toss her cookies in the back seat. Okay, relaxation time over.
It’s becoming a common theme that there aren’t enough rest rooms available at a race to serve all the runners that want to go in the 30 minutes before the start. In this case, that meant you got to try and use the urinal while men waiting impatiently in line stared at you. No pressure here. Just Brad Pitt’s voice in my head. If you’ve ever seen “Fight Club”, he had a line in the men’s room along the lines of “don’t watch me, I can’t go when I’m being looked at”. Same deal here.
Okay, warm up went as planned. Mom was able to make it in time for the start, so I’ve got my own little cheering section. Everybody starts gathering at the starting line, and some woman is calling out instructions in a not loud enough megaphone. And we’re off, slowly. Very slowly. Is this the run or the fitness walk? Oh wait, we’re just walking to the actual starting line, and here I was thinking I was passing half the crowd. Now we really are off.
The course starts off slightly downhill, then goes steeply downhill for a very short bit before turning onto Whippoorwill lane, which twists, turns, and goes up and down along a golf course. At the end of that road is the one mile mark. “Hi Tek” racing advertised times at each mile. While true, I’m not sure a guy standing on the corner reading a stop watch aloud counts as high tech. At mile marker 2 there was another guy with a stopwatch and the additional duty of handing out water.
Anyhow, mile two is generally uphill, and mile 3 is generally down hill. The course appears to have been chosen to maximum the number of hilly sections of road that could be used. And mile four included Chapel Hill Road. This is a seriously steep section of road. I looked up the topographical information online (see picture), and if I’m reading it correctly, you go up 80 feet in a little over 500 feet of road at the steepest point. In total, you climb about 130 feet in about a half mile.
My old junior high school is at the top of the hill. It's that club shaped building on the map. Yes, it has a very wacky floor plan, with pie-shaped rooms and curved corridors. Many of the worst days of my life were spent there. Prior to the race I imagined I’d have all sorts of bad memories as I ran by, and realize how much better my life is today. In reality, all that was going through my head as I went by was a massive craving for chocolate and oxygen. Really wish I had remembered an energy snack before the race.
And from there it was all downhill to the finish line. My time was 41:10, which was on the fast end of the 40-45 minute range I had predicted. Of course, I was hoping to beat my public prediction, but it wasn’t meant to be that day.
At the end of the race, there was food to be had, including some minestrone soup. Yum! So in the end it was a small, fun race. Not a high water mark of technology and logistical planning, but nothing to really complain about either.
Of the 247 people who finished, I was number 205. Gotta work on my speed!
No problem arriving early and picking up my number, long sleeve white T-shirt, and “goody bag”. The “goodies” consisted solely of a sample Bic razor with a 14-month ago expired coupon included. Not quite a bumper crop of running related samples and offers.
Of course, I forgot to bring something to snack on, and there was no food being offered before the race, only a few jugs of water. But we did get a nice parking spot with a view of the Housatonic river across the park. Very nice way to relax with the wife on Valentine’s day, at least until the dog decided to toss her cookies in the back seat. Okay, relaxation time over.
It’s becoming a common theme that there aren’t enough rest rooms available at a race to serve all the runners that want to go in the 30 minutes before the start. In this case, that meant you got to try and use the urinal while men waiting impatiently in line stared at you. No pressure here. Just Brad Pitt’s voice in my head. If you’ve ever seen “Fight Club”, he had a line in the men’s room along the lines of “don’t watch me, I can’t go when I’m being looked at”. Same deal here.
Okay, warm up went as planned. Mom was able to make it in time for the start, so I’ve got my own little cheering section. Everybody starts gathering at the starting line, and some woman is calling out instructions in a not loud enough megaphone. And we’re off, slowly. Very slowly. Is this the run or the fitness walk? Oh wait, we’re just walking to the actual starting line, and here I was thinking I was passing half the crowd. Now we really are off.
The course starts off slightly downhill, then goes steeply downhill for a very short bit before turning onto Whippoorwill lane, which twists, turns, and goes up and down along a golf course. At the end of that road is the one mile mark. “Hi Tek” racing advertised times at each mile. While true, I’m not sure a guy standing on the corner reading a stop watch aloud counts as high tech. At mile marker 2 there was another guy with a stopwatch and the additional duty of handing out water.
Anyhow, mile two is generally uphill, and mile 3 is generally down hill. The course appears to have been chosen to maximum the number of hilly sections of road that could be used. And mile four included Chapel Hill Road. This is a seriously steep section of road. I looked up the topographical information online (see picture), and if I’m reading it correctly, you go up 80 feet in a little over 500 feet of road at the steepest point. In total, you climb about 130 feet in about a half mile.
My old junior high school is at the top of the hill. It's that club shaped building on the map. Yes, it has a very wacky floor plan, with pie-shaped rooms and curved corridors. Many of the worst days of my life were spent there. Prior to the race I imagined I’d have all sorts of bad memories as I ran by, and realize how much better my life is today. In reality, all that was going through my head as I went by was a massive craving for chocolate and oxygen. Really wish I had remembered an energy snack before the race.
And from there it was all downhill to the finish line. My time was 41:10, which was on the fast end of the 40-45 minute range I had predicted. Of course, I was hoping to beat my public prediction, but it wasn’t meant to be that day.
At the end of the race, there was food to be had, including some minestrone soup. Yum! So in the end it was a small, fun race. Not a high water mark of technology and logistical planning, but nothing to really complain about either.
Of the 247 people who finished, I was number 205. Gotta work on my speed!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Preparing for the race
In 36 hours I'll be starting the longest race of my life so far. 4 miles. Not that far actually, especially since I regularly run 5 or 6 miles as a normal training run. I'm also not terribly concerned about my time either. I'll finish in about 40 minutes I figure, give or take depending on how I feel that day.
The challenges of this race will be logistical. It's the first race I've run away from home, so I have to do more planning ahead. In addition to making sure I pack my sneakers, I also have to give some thought to how to get a good night's sleep and have a proper breakfast in my father in laws house. Did I also mention this will be our dog's first night away from home with us? I probably won't sleep well if she's jumping on the bed all night. So we pack the crate for her to sleep in, which means we're driving the pickup truck, which means I was under it yesterday morning giving it an oil change. So Pennzoil is part of my pre-race preparations.
Now about breakfast, and in particular the coffee portion of it. I like my coffee in the morning. I feel slow without it, and that's not a good thing on a race day. However, unlike a training run, where I can use the bathroom and then head right out the door for a run, a race in February is probably going to involve lots of standing around outside in the cold waiting for the start. At the last race I ran they had one outhouse for 400 runners + friends and family. This leads to some very interesting pre-race strategy, so that you can start the race, um, without an overfull tank.
And now it is time to go to bed, so I can be up early, pack and travel. Wish me luck!
The challenges of this race will be logistical. It's the first race I've run away from home, so I have to do more planning ahead. In addition to making sure I pack my sneakers, I also have to give some thought to how to get a good night's sleep and have a proper breakfast in my father in laws house. Did I also mention this will be our dog's first night away from home with us? I probably won't sleep well if she's jumping on the bed all night. So we pack the crate for her to sleep in, which means we're driving the pickup truck, which means I was under it yesterday morning giving it an oil change. So Pennzoil is part of my pre-race preparations.
Now about breakfast, and in particular the coffee portion of it. I like my coffee in the morning. I feel slow without it, and that's not a good thing on a race day. However, unlike a training run, where I can use the bathroom and then head right out the door for a run, a race in February is probably going to involve lots of standing around outside in the cold waiting for the start. At the last race I ran they had one outhouse for 400 runners + friends and family. This leads to some very interesting pre-race strategy, so that you can start the race, um, without an overfull tank.
And now it is time to go to bed, so I can be up early, pack and travel. Wish me luck!
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